I have recently been diagnosed with Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it goes:
I decide to wash the car, start toward the garage and notice the mail on the table.
OK, I’m going to wash the car…
BUT FIRST I’m going to go through the mail. I lay the car keys down on desk. After discarding the junk mail, I notice the trash can is full. OK, I’ll just put the bills on my desk….
BUT FIRST I’ll take the trash out, but since I’m going to be near the mailbox, I’ll address a few bills…. Yes, Now where is the checkbook? Oops… there’s only one check left. Where did I put the extra checks? Oh, there’s my empty plastic cup from last night on my desk. I’m going to look for those checks…
BUT FIRST I need to put the cup back in the kitchen. I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice the flowers need a drink of water, I put the cup on the counter and there’s my extra pair of glasses on the kitchen counter. What are they doing here? I’ll just put them away…
BUT FIRST I need to water those plants. I head for the door and… Aaaagh! Someone left the TV remote in the wrong spot. Okay, I’ll put the remote away and water the plants…
BUT FIRST I need to find those checks.
END OF DAY: car not washed, bills still unpaid, cup still in the sink, checkbook still has only one check left, lost my car keys; and, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I’m baffled because… I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY! I realize this condition is serious…
I’d get help… BUT FIRST…I think I’ll check my e-mail!
One of the goals of the twelve step program is for its practitioners to “return to a normal way of life”. Over the years I have heard this phrase debated in meetings and in discussions outside the meeting halls. What does this mean? What is a normal way of life?
The unfortunate fact is that many of us upon entering a Twelve Step program have no experience with “normal”. Our life experience has left us with a sort of “social retardation” where we have never learned even the most elemental rules and behaviors that most people take for granted. It is as if all of our growth and development stopped at the age we were when we picked up up our first drink or drug. I often say that fifteen was a tough age. I know that because I was fifteen for twenty years.
I was recently asked to address my home group’s Newcomer’s Meeting and talk about appropriate behavior at meetings. It occurred to me that with all the years that the many treatment centers in the area have been using our meetings for their evening activity that they would provide at least a minimal introduction to “normal” behavior at meetings. Upon further thought however I realized that it was the responsibility of those of us who have been around the program a while to teach these things to newcomers. God knows that I needed a lot of work when it came to manners inside and outside of meetings. Thank God the teachers were there for me. Why should we pass our responsibility as members of AA off to those who run treatment centers?
Over the last year I have spent more time living and working with what we sometimes call “earth people” or “normies”. It amazes me how skillfully they are able to get to work on time, balance checkbooks, buy cars and homes, and essentially take responsibility for their own lives.
In the early days of AA the founders, in their wisdom, appointed non-alcoholics to its board of directors. I have always thought that this was because they didn’t trust themselves with the money. Maybe they just needed someone to show them how to behave at those Board of Directors meetings.
Being a recovering alcoholic/addict is not an excuse for bad behavior. The program is about taking responsibility for our attitudes, actions and behaviors. The key word is responsibility. I guess there can be no argument with the concept that “normal behavior” follows the Golden Rule which simply states “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” We can learn this lesson in meetings, in treatment centers, halfway houses, churches and in the laboratory of life. Perhaps “normal” simply means taking responsibility for ourselves. What a concept!!
One night I dreamed a dream. I was walking along the beach with my Lord. Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonging to me and one to my Lord. When the last scene of my life shot before me I looked back at the footprints in the sand. There was only one set of footprints. I realized that this was at the lowest and saddest times of my life. This always bothered me and I questioned the Lord about my dilemma.
“Lord, You told me when I decided to follow You, You would walk and talk with me all the way. But I’m aware that during the most troublesome times of my life there is only one set of footprints. I just don’t understand why when I need You most, You leave me.
He whispered, “My precious child, I love you and will never leave you,never, ever, during your trials and testings. When you saw only one set of footprints,, it was then that I carried you.
Butt Prints In The Sand
One night I had a wondrous dream,
One set of footprints there was seen, The footprints of my precious Lord, But mine were not along the shore. But then some stranger prints appeared..
And I asked the Lord, “What have we here?”
Those prints are large and round and neat, But Lord, they are too big for feet.
“My child,” He said in somber tones, For miles I carried you alone. I challenged you to walk in faith, But you refused and made me wait.”
“You disobeyed, you would not grow, The walk of faith you would not know..
So I got tired, I got fed up,
And there I dropped you on your butt.” “
Because in life there comes a time When one must fight, and one must climb,
This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. Remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less, tries to make your life miserable.
A woman was at her hairdresser’s getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?
We’re taking Continental, was the reply. We got a great rate!
Continental? exclaimed the hairdresser. That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they’re always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?
We’ll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome’s Tiber River called Teste.
Don’t go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s gonna be something special and exclusive, but it’s really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service surly, and they’re overpriced. So, whatcha’ doing when you get there?
We’re going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope.
That’s rich, laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You’re going to need it.
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.
It was wonderful explained the woman, not only were we on time in one of Continental’s brand new planes, but it was over- booked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They’d just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now it’s a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner’s suite at no extra charge!
Well, muttered the hairdresser that’s all well and good, but I know you didn’t get to see the Pope.
Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand, I knelt down, and he spoke a few words to me.
Oh, really! What’d he say? He said: Where’d you get the crappy hairdo?
A long time AA member named Joe R has lived to a very old age and one morning God appears to him, as Joe lies in bed.
Joe: What have you come for God?
God: Well Joe, I’ve come with some good news and some bad news, what do you want first? Joe (being an optimist): I like to start the morning with good news
God: I have come to tell you that we have AA meetings in heaven Joe: Alright – that’s great! So what’s the bad news?
God: You’re chairing tonights meeting….
***************** An alcoholic was staggering down the beach hungover and sick..His mouth was dry,and he wanted a drink bad…He was checking all the empty cans and bottles he found looking for a corner of a bottle. He found a bottle,pulled the cork, and out popped a genie. The genie said, “Great, I`m free, I have been in there for 3500 yrs…you get 2 free wishes!” The alcoholic thought about it for a minute,and said, “I want a bottle of whiskey that will never run dry…” POOF!! There, in his hands was a fresh bottle of whiskey. He pulled the cork and took a slug..the bottle refilled itself. ”Great” he said. The genie said, ”What’s you other wish?” The alcoholic thought for a minute,and asked the genie, “Have you got one more bottle like this?”
***************** What is the difference between a drunkand an alcoholic? An alcoholic goes to meetings!
***************** How many Al-Anons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. They just detach and let it screw itself. ****************
What’s the difference between an alcoholic and an addict?
An alcoholic will steal your wallet but an addict will steal your wallet then help you look for it…….
*****************
AA faker: “Since joining AA 3 years ago, I have not found it necessary to take a drink”
Newcomer: “Liar, I saw you not 2 weeks ago at Joe’s bar and grill drunk as a skunk”
AA faker: “Yeah, but it wasn’t necessary”
*************** An alcoholic was looking for a parking space and he was late for a meeting. He circled and circled but there were no parking spaces to be found. Finally he cried out, “God, please, please help me find a parking space!” Just then a car pulled out of a space right in front of him. “Never mind,” said the alcoholic, “One just opened up.”
*****************
A drunk was laying at the side of the road when the police pulled over and asked him if he was alright? He said yes he’d just found a good parking space and his wife was away to get the car!
****************** An alcoholic walked into a bar and read a sign that read “All you can drink for $1.00.” The alcoholic said “I’ll have $2.00 worth please”
***************** A famous brain surgeon opened a resale store in a big city to sell used brains for transplant. He offered a doctors brain for $50,000, a Philadelphia Lawyers brain for $100,000 and an alcoholics brain for $1,000,000! When asked “Why so much for the alcoholic’s brain?” He said, “Because it’s NEVER been used!
*********************
In his search for peace of mind wily old alcoholic goes to see a psychologist. After an in depth examination the psychologist says,
‘ I know what the problem is, you have a split personality.’ The drunk says ‘ thats great, thanks doc how much do I owe you?’
The psychologist says ‘that will be 90 dollars please.’ The alcoholic says ‘there’s 45 you can get the rest from the other guy!’
***************** A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He saw a person on the ground and yelled down to him, “Can you help me? I don’t know where I am.” The man replied, “Sure, I’ll help you. You are in a hot air balloon hovering 30 feet above the ground…between 40 and 41 degrees North latitude and between 59 & 60 degrees West longitude.”
“Wow, you must be an AA sponsor”, said the man in the balloon. “I am”, said the man, “but what gave me away?”
“Well”, answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically right but I am still lost. Frankly you’re not much help at all and you might even have delayed my trip.”
“You must be an AA sponsee”, replied the man. The man in the balloon was amazed and said, “I am, but how did you know?”
The man on the ground said, “Well, you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where you are due to a lot of hot air. You are expecting other people to solve your problems and the fact is that you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow now IT’S MY FAULT” !
*****************
Christopher Columbus must have been an alcoholic;
He didn’t know where he was going He didn’t know where he was when he got there He talked a woman into paying for it
We are gathered here because we are faced with the fact that we are powerless over alcohol and unable to do anything about it without the help of a Power greater than ourselves. We feel that each person’s religious views, if any, are his own affair. The simple purpose of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is to show what may be done to enlist the aid of a Power greater than ourselves regardless of what our individual conception of that Power may be.
In order to form a habit of depending upon and referring all we do to that Power, we must at first apply ourselves with some diligence. By often repeating these acts, they become habitual and the help rendered becomes natural to us.
We have all come to know that as alcoholics we are suffering from a serious illness for which medicine has no cure. Our condition may be the result of an allergy which makes us different from other people. It has never been by any treatment with which we are familiar, permanently cured. The only relief we have to offer is absolute abstinence, the second mean ing of A. A.
There are no dues or fees. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. Each member squares his debt by helping others to recover.
An Alcoholics Anonymous is an alcoholic who through application and adherence to the A. A. program has forsworn the use of any and all alcoholic beverage in any form. The moment he takes so much as one drop of beer, wine, spirits or any other alcoholic beverage he automatically loses all status as a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. A.A. is not interested in sobering up drunks who are not sincere in their desire to remain sober for all time. Not being reformers, we offer our experience only to those who want it.
We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree and on which we can join in harmonious action. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our program. Those who do not recover are people who will not or simply cannot give themselves to this simple program. Now you may like this program or you may not, but the fact remains, it works. It is our only chance to recover.
There is a vast amount of fun in the A.A. fellowship. Some people might be shocked at our seeming worldliness and levity, but just underneath there lies a deadly earnestness and a full realization that we must put first things first and with each of us the first thing is our alcoholic problem. To drink is to die. Faith must work twenty-four hours a day in and through us or we perish.
In order to set our tone for this meeting I ask that we bow our heads in a few moments of silent prayer and meditation.
I wish to remind you that whatever is said at this meeting expresses our own individual opinion as of today and as of up to this moment. We do not speak for A.A. as a whole and you are free to agree or disagree as you see fit. In fact, it is suggested that you pay no attention to anything which might not be reconciled with what is in the A. A. Big Book.
If you don’t have a Big Book, it’s time you bought you one. Read it, study it, live with it, loan it, scatter it, and then learn from it what it means to be an A.A.
The History Of The Wilmington Preamble
The Wilmington Preamble has long been surrounded by controversy and discussion of such has sparked many a debate almost from its inception in the early years of Alcoholics Anonymous. The history of our fellowship has mostly been passed from member to member over the expanse of many years; members whose very disease has a tendency to distort one’s memory. Inaccuracies may prevail. The following is in no way an attempt to dispel those controversies, but an effort to establish an accurate history of the birth of the Wilmington Preamble and to keep it’s true history alive for the enlightenment of future generations. Documentable corrections are welcomed.
The Wilmington Preamble’s birth ties in with one of Wilmington’s earliest members, Shoes L.Shoes joined the Wilmington Group and got sober in May of 1944. The following month in June, Shoes was Chairman of the group and in charge of getting speakers for their meetings. There was at this time a sportswriter in town covering the horse races at Delaware Park. His name was Mickey M. and Shoes asked him to speak at the group’s meeting. Mickey replied that he wasn’t much of a speaker but that he would write something appropriate. He reportedly went back to his room at the Hotel Dupont and wrote the Wilmington Preamble as we know it and it was read the following Friday night.
Being a sportswriter, Mickey M. covered events in other towns, and while in Baltimore covering the races at Pimlico gave the same preamble to the Baltimore Group which they also adopted as their own. Where it was actually read first is the subject of many debates but one fact remains clear, that this “Preamble” was widely accepted in Maryland and Delaware long before World Service sanctioned the shorter A.A. Preamble that is more universally accepted today.
Alcoholics Anonymous Preamble
The original version of the “current preamble” as it was first introduced to AA in the June, 1947, Grapevine.
Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism. The only requirement for membership is an honest desire to stop drinking . AA has no dues or fees. It is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution. Does not wish to engage in any controversy. Neither endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.
Written by the then editor to describe AA to the Grapevine’s non-AA readers, it has become a part of AA literature. It came to be called the “preamble” because it is so often read at the opening of AA meetings.
Q – When you first sobered up how did you approach alcoholics and did you change that approach?
A – I took off to cure alcoholics wholesale. It was twinjet propulsion; difficulties meant nothing. The vast conceit of my project never occurred to me. I pressed my assault for six months; my home was filled with alcoholics. Harangues with scores produced not the slightest result. None of them got it. Disappointingly, my friend of the kitchen table, who was sicker than I realized, took little interest in other alcoholics. This fact may have caused his endless backslides later on. For I had found that working with alcoholics had a huge bearing on my own sobriety. But why wouldn’t any of my new prospects sober up?
Slowly the bugs came to light. Like a religious crank, I was obsessed with the idea that everybody must have a “spiritual experience” just like mine. I’d forgotten that there were many varieties. So my brother alcoholics just stared incredulously or kidded me about my “hot flash.” This had spoiled the potent identification so easy to get with them. I had turned evangelist. Clearly the deal had to be streamlined. What came to me in six minutes might require six months in others. It was to be learned that words are things, that one must be prudent. It was also certain that something ailed the deflationary technique. It definitely lacked wallop. Reasoning that the alcoholic’s “hex” or compulsion must issue from some deep level, it followed that ego deflation must also go deep or else there couldn’t be any fundamental release. Apparently religious practice would not touch the alcoholic until his underlying situation was made ready. Fortunately, all the tools were right at hand. You doctors supplied them.
The emphasis was shifted from “sin” to “sickness” – the “fatal malady,” alcoholism. We quoted doctors that alcoholism was more lethal than cancer; that it consisted of an obsession of the mind coupled to increasing body sensitivity. These were our twin ogres of madness and death. We leaned heavily on Dr. Jung’s statement of how hopeless the condition could be and then poured that devastating dose into every drunk within range. To modern man science is omnipotent; it is a god. Hence if science could pass a death sentence on a drunk, and we placed that verdict on our alcoholic transmission, it might shatter him completely. Perhaps he would then turn to the God of the theologian, there being no place else to go. Whatever the truth in this device, it certainly had practical merit. Immediately our whole atmosphere changed. Things began to look up. (Amer. J. Psychiat., Vol.106, 1949)
The Twelve Step Prayers were created using the text of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. The text used to develop the prayers are shown at the end of the prayer in parenthesis. My hope is that these prayers will provide a framework for you to develop your own or expand on the wording below.
The Set Aside Prayer:
“Dear God please help me to set aside everything I think I know about [people. place or thing] so I may have an open mind and a new experience. Please help me to see the truth about [people. place or thing]?.
AMEN.” (This prayer comes from the Chapter to the Agnostic.)
First Step Prayer
Dear Lord, Help me to see and admit that I am powerless over my alcoholism. Help me to understand how my alcoholism has led to unmanageability in my life. Help me this day to understand the true meaning of powerlessness. Remove from me all denial of my alcoholism. (This prayer is developed from the chapter, More About Alcoholism)
Second Step Prayer
Heavenly Father, I am having trouble with personal relationships. I can’t control my emotional nature. I am prey to misery and depression. I can’t make a living. I feel useless. I am full of fear. I am unhappy. I can’t seem to be of real help to others. I know in my heart that only you can restore me to sanity if I am just willing to stop doubting your power. I humbly ask that you help me to understand that it is more powerful to believe than not to believe and that you are either everything or nothing. (p. 52:2, 52:3, 53:1, 53:2)
3rd Step Prayer:
“God, I offer myself to thee – to build with me and do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!” (63:2 original manuscript)
A Pre-Inventory Prayer:
“God, please help me to honestly take stock. Help me to search out the flaws in my make-up which caused my failure. Help me to see where resentment has plagued me and resulted in spiritual malady, but more importantly help me to understand my part in these resentments. Help me to resolutely look for my own mistakes and to understand where I had been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened. Please help me to be searching and fearless in my endeavor to write my inventory.” (p. 64:2, 64:3, 67:2)
4th Step Resentment Prayer:
“God, Please help me to be free of anger and to see that the world and its people have dominated me. Show me that the wrong-doing of others, fancied or real, has the power to actually kill me. Help me to master my resentments by understanding that the people who wrong me were perhaps spiritually sick. Please help me show those I resent the same Tolerance, Pity and Patience that I would cheerfully grant a sick friend. Help me to see that this is a sick man. Father, please show me how I can be helpful to him and save me from being angry. Lord, help me to avoid retaliation or argument. I know I can’t be helpful to all people, but at least show me how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one. Thy will be done.” (66:2, 66:3, 66:4, 67:0, 67:1)
Fifth Step Prayer
God, please help me to complete my house- cleaning by admitting to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs. Please remove any fears I have about this step and show me how completion of it will remove my egotism and fear. Help me to see how this step builds my character through humility, fearlessness and honesty. Direct me to the right person who will keep my confidence and fully understand and approve what I am driving at. Then help me to go to it, illuminating every twist of character, pocket my pride and every dark cranny of the past so I may complete this step and begin to feel near to you.” (72:1, 72:2, 73:0, 74:2, 75:2)
Higher Power, Thank you for helping me complete my housecleaning. I can now look the world in the eye. I can be alone at perfect peace and ease. My fears have fallen from me. I have begun to feel your nearness. I have begun to have a spiritual experience. I feel I am on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe. (75:2)
A Quiet Hour Prayer:
“God, Thank You for giving me the strength, faith and courage I needed to get through my 5th Step. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me to know you better, by showing me what has been blocking me from you. Father, please show me if I have omitted anything and help me to honestly see if my stones are properly in place or if I have skimped in any area of this work.”(75:3)
A 6th Step prayer:
“God, Thank you for removing my fear and for showing me the truth about myself. Father, I need your help to become willing to let go of the things in me which continue to block me off from you. Please grant me your Grace Lord and make me willing to have these objectionable characteristics, defects and shortcomings removed.” (76:1)
Sixth Step Prayer:
Dear God, I am ready for Your help in removing from me the defects of character which I now realize are an obstacle to my recovery. Help me to continue being honest with myself & guide me toward spiritual & mental health. (76:1)
Seventh Step Prayer
“My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good & bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you & my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here to do Your bidding.” (76:2)
A Pre-Eighth Step Prayer:
“God, Please remove my Fears and show me your truth. Show me all the harms I have caused with my behavior and help me be willing to make amends to one and all. Help me to be willing to go to any lengths for victory over alcohol.”(76:3)
9th Step Prayer :
“God, with regard to this amend, give me the strength, courage and direction to do the right thing, no matter what the personal consequences may be. Help me not to shrink from anything. Help me not to delay if it can be avoided. Help me to be sensible, tactful, considerate and humble without being servile or scraping.”(79:1, 83:3)
Tenth Step Prayer:
My Higher Power, my daily prayer is to best serve you, pray I may continue to grow in understanding & effectiveness; help me to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear; Help me to be willing to have You remove them at once; I must be willing to discuss them with someone immediately; will make amends quickly if I have harmed anyone and then I will turn my thoughts toward helping someone else; please help me to remember to practice love and tolerance of others. (84:2)
Tenth Step Amends Prayer:
“God, please forgive me for my failings today. I know that because of my failings, I was not able to be as effective as I could have been for you. Please forgive me and help me live thy will better today. I ask you now to show me how to correct the errors I have just outlined. Guide me and direct me. Please remove my arrogance and my fear. Show me how to make my relationships right and grant me the humility and strength to do thy will.”(86:1)
The Eleventh Step Prayers: A Prayer On Awakening:
“God please direct my thinking and keep my thoughts divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. Please keep my thought life clear from wrong motives and help me employ my mental faculties, that my thought-life might be placed on a higher plane,the plane of inspiration.” (86:2)
A Morning Prayer:
“God, should I find myself agitated, doubtful or indecisive today, please give me inspiration, help me to have an intuitive thought or a decision about this problem I face. Help me not to struggle, instead, help me to relax and take it easy. Help me know what I should do and keep me mindful, that you are running the show. Free me from my bondage of self. Thy will be done always.” (86:3)
A Morning Prayer:
“God, please show me all through this day, what my next step is to be and please grace me with whatever I need to take care of the problems in my life today. I ask especially that you free me from the bondage of self-will.”(87:1)
An Eleventh Step Nightly Review Prayer:
“God, help me to constructively review my day. Where was I resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? Do I owe an apology? Have I kept something to myself which should be discussed with another person at once? Was I kind and loving toward all? What could I have done better? Was I thinking of myself most of the time? Or was I thinking of what I could do for others, of what I could pack into the stream of life? Please forgive me for my harms and wrongs today and let me know corrective measures I should be take.?” (86:2)
Twelfth Step Prayer
Dear God, Having had a spiritual experience, I must now remember that “faith without works is dead.” And PRACTICAL EXPERIENCE shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. So, God, please help me to carry this message to other alcoholics! Provide me with the guidance and wisdom to talk with another alcoholic because I can help when no one else can. Help me secure his confidence and remember he is ill. (89:1)
Bill W. had met a kindred spirit in Dr. Bob. Both men were born in Vermont, both were intelligent and both were alcoholics. They somehow knew that fateful evening in Henrietta Seiberling’s Gatehouse home both of them were going to be okay.
After a few weeks of working with each other and attempting to deliver the message of recovery to other alcoholics Bill and Dr. Bob did not appear to be discouraged. Despite their not being able to bring another rummy into the fold – they were staying sober. Quite a feat for Dr. Bob who had been attending Oxford Group meetings even prior to getting together with Bill.
Dr. Bob was feeling so secure that he decided to attend a convention of the American Medical Association. He had not missed a convention in 20 years and did not plan on missing this one. Bob’s wife, Anne was set against him attending the convention. She remembered previous ones where he had gotten drunk.
Dr. Bob assured her that he would not drink. He said that alcoholics, even those who had stopped drinking, would have to begin to learn how to live in the real world. She finally agreed and off he went.
Dr. Bob kept his promise to Anne. That is, until he boarded the train to Atlantic City. Once on the train Dr. Bob began to drink in earnest. He drank all the way to Atlantic City, purchased more bottles prior to checking in to the hotel. That was on a Sunday evening.
Dr. Bob stayed sober on Monday until after dinner. He then resumed his drinking. Upon awakening Tuesday morning his drinking continued until noon. He then realized that he was about to disgrace himself by showing up at the convention drunk.
24-Hour Blackout
He decided to check out of the hotel and return home. He purchased more alcohol on the way to the train depot. He waited for the train for a long time and continued to drink. That was all he remembered until waking up in the home of his office nurse and her husband back in Ohio.
Dr. Bob’s blackout lasted over 24 hours. There was a five-day period from when Dr. Bob left for the convention to when the nurse called Anne and Bill. They took Dr. Bob home and put him to bed. The detoxification process began once again. That process usually lasted three days according to Bill. They tapered Dr. Bob off of alcohol and fed him a diet of sauerkraut, tomato juice and Karo Syrup.
Bill had remembered that in three days, Dr. Bob was scheduled to perform surgery. On the day of the surgery, Dr. Bob had recovered sufficiently to go to work. In order to insure the steadiness of Dr. Bob’s hands during the operation Bill gave him a bottle of beer. That was to be Dr. Bob’s last drink and the “official” Founding date of Alcoholics Anonymous.
The operation was a success and Dr. Bob did not return home right after it. Both Bill and Anne were concerned to say the least. They later found out, after Dr. Bob had returned, that he was out making amends. Not drunk as they may have surmised, but happy and sober. That date according to the AA literature was June 10, 1935.
June 10, 1935 has been considered as AA’s Founding Date for many years. After all, it was the date Dr. Bob had his last drink – or was it? Recently discovered evidence appears to differ with the “official” literature.
The “Official” Date
The Archives of the American Medical Association reportedly show that their convention in Atlantic City, in the year 1935 did not start until June 10th.
How could Dr. Bob have gone to the convention, by train – check into a hotel – attend the convention on Monday – check out on Tuesday – be in a blackout for 24 hours – go through a three -day detoxification – perform surgery on the day of his last drink – June 10, 1935?
Five days had passed since Dr. Bob left for the convention and returned to Akron. There was the three-day detoxification process and then there was the day of the surgery. Approximately nine days had passed from when he left and the date of his last drink.
If the records of the American Medical Association are in error as to the date of their convention it is possible that June 10, 1935 was the date of Dr. Bob’s last drink. If the records are in error, the 1935 convention would have been the only one in the history of the American Medical Association that was listed with the wrong date.
It now appears that the date of Dr. Bob’s last drink was probably on, or about, June 17, 1935. Maybe AA should keep the June 10th date as a symbolic Founding Date rather than claim it as the actual one? Maybe the date should be changed to reflect historical accuracy?
Either way, Dr. Bob never drank again until his death, November 16, 1950. Dr. Bob sponsored more than 5,000 AA members and left the legacy of his life as an example. Dr. Bob told those he sponsored that there were three things one had to do to keep sober:
Let’s say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.
And then, one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: “Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?”
And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of.
And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Elaine is thinking: But hey, I’m not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are moving steadily toward…I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
And Roger is thinking: …so that means it was…let’s see…February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer’s, which means…lemme check the odometer …Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.
And Elaine is thinking: He’s upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed–even before I sensed it–that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that’s it. That’s why he’s so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He’s afraid of being rejected.
And Roger is thinking: And I’m gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don’t care what those morons say, it’s still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It’s 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a darn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.
And Elaine is thinking: He’s angry. And I don’t blame him. I’d be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can’t help the way I feel. I’m just not sure.
And Roger is thinking: They’ll probably say it’s only a 90- day warranty. That’s exactly what they’re gonna say, those scumballs.
And Elaine is thinking: Myabe I’m just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I’m sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.
And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I’ll give them a damn warranty. I’ll take their warranty and stick it right up their-
“Roger,” Elaine Says aloud. “What?” says Roger, startled. “Please don’t torture yourself like this,” she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. “Maybe I should never have…Oh, my, I feel so…”
(She breaks down sobbing.) “What?” says Roger.
“I’m such a fool,” Elaine sobs. “I mean, I know there’s no knight. I really know that. It’s silly. There’s no knight, and there’s no horse.”
“There’s no horse?” says Roger. “You think I’m a fool, don’t you?” Elaine says. “No!” says Roger, glad to finally know the right answer. “It’s just that…It’s that I…I need some time,” Elaine says. (There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)
“Yes,” he says. (Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) “Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?” she says. “What way?” says Roger. “That way about time,” says Elaine. “Oh,” says Roger. “Yes.”
(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)
“Thank you, Roger,” she says. “Thank you,” says Roger. Then he takes her home and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag or Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he’s pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it’s better if he doesn’t think about it. (This is also Roger’s policy regarding world hunger.)
The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it either.
Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine’s, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: “Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?”
Cybersobriety 